Since The Change, I’ve notice a lot of differences (duh!), but there is one change that is maybe the most disturbing to me.  More disturbing than the blackness that courses through my body instead of blood.  More disturbing than the total loss of physical sensation.  Or the occasional maggot.

I now found Dane Cook funny.

I know!  How did this happen?  Why has the change done this to me?  Sooooooo many questions!  If only the scientists could find the answer to this question, I’d be happy!

Still, why fight it?  So, Dane Cook is suddenly hilarious.  I’m just going to roll with it—another bowl of Christ Chex for me, please!

For most of my life, Thanksgiving filled my heart with joy.

This is my first Thanksgiving as a changed person.  It’s hard to imagine my heart could hurt worse.  I’ve never felt the loss of my family and friends so keenly.

My grandmother starts cooking two days before Thanksgiving.  I join her the night before.  Pies are my specialty.  She taught me how to cook her pecan pie, my dad’s favorite.  The morning of Thanksgiving, we start the turkey.  This was going to be my first year in charge of the turkey, all by myself.  We planned it last year.  She was going to do the dressing (it would have been sacrilegious for her not to!)

Family, football, and food.  AND leftovers.

This year, like many of you, I’m starting new traditions.  My friends and I have decided to gather at the Buckman campaign headquarters as a new family.  And since we are starting a totally new set of traditions, we’re even choosing a new menu.  After MUCH debate, we’ve chosen Italian food!  We’re going to drink lots of wine and gorge ourselves!  I’m in charge of the lasagna.  I’m using a Paula Deen recipe!  So, yep, it’s deep fried!

For desert, pecan pie.

I miss you, Nana.

Things didn’t go as planned.

Myself and my group of Changed friends felt, with each passing minute, nay second, of the film, anger.  Anger that continued to build and build until my Alice mascara coursed down my face behind black tears of rage.

Vampires.  What the hell do they have to be so sad about?!  Us zombies have it MUCH MUCH worse!  Oh, you SPARKLE in daylight?  Try having your liver slip down your leg while waiting for Starbucks.

Woe is me!  I’m a vampire and I can move super fast and fly and see into the future and look beautiful for ALL OF ETERNITY!

I’m afraid we created a scene.  We weren’t the only Changed in the movie theater and there was kind of a small riot: nothing worse than yelling at the characters and throwing our cokes at the screen, but whateves.

Somebody, probably A LOT of Somebodies, called the military.

Some of us didn’t make it.  Not from my group, thankfully, but still, any Changed that is destroyed hurts us all.

We ran for our lives.  Literally.  And if the one solider that chased us, if his flamethrower hadn’t malfunctioned, we wouldn’t have made it.

That didn’t stop us, though.  As we ran through the streets, we came upon a store, I LOVE VIDEO, that had a big Twilight display and we trashed it.  Broke out the windows and pulled out the cardboard Edward and stomped on him.

As my anger dissipated, I noticed my friend, Sebastian, had stopped his frenzy and was calmly watching us.  He looked at me, cocked a smile, and said, “Here there be monsters.”

I took a step back and looked at us: our riotous frenzy.  If we had been able to get a hold of a real vampire five minutes before…

Here there be monsters.

A shudder went through my soul.

Maybe if the movie had been better… J

COMPOSTING TIP!

OMG!  I think I’ve actually invented something!  Not like a widget for sale over the internet or something, but a new technique to help the environment.

I love my garden!  There is nothing better than a big, juicy fresh cucumber that you grew yourself.  Or ripe, red tomatoes that you lovingly nurtured.

So, I had some skin slough off.  Hey, it happens.  Even the best embalming can’t stop SOME decomposition.  And I’m a practical girl, and thought: hey, compost.

And it worked great!  So, if you lose some skin or a body part… like what happened to my friend, Sebastian, we were eating matzo ball soup and plop! his ear fell into it.  I told him, “Look on the bright side….”

And that bright side is composting!

We’ve landed a couple awesome interns and are looking for more! Want to help The Changed Party spread the word about Zombie Rights!?!? We’d love to have you.

While you think it over, welcome Jack and Alice and visit the Interns! page for more details on how you can get involved.

Jack Burton

Alice Farkum